Jessica Sitomer
Seminars and Coaching for the Entertainment Industry
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In Her Shoes

You Can’t Please Everyone, So What Do You Do? 


Thank you to all of you who participated in my poll.  Now I have a much better idea of what you want.  However, I can’t please everyone, so here is my plan.  For frequency, it was literally 1 28%/ 2 23%/ 4 29%.  So my compromise is that I will post a video weekly on my YouTube page for those of you who want to see videos regularly.  You can subscribe to my page at https://www.youtube.com/user/greenlightcoach  The latest one, “Should you take notes at a mentor meeting,” is up now.

I will send out two newsletters a month, one written article like today, and one video.  

My lesson is that as much as I want to help and inspire everyone who chooses to be on my list, I can’t please everyone, but I am doing my best to accommodate as many as I can.  Today’s article in on how you can do the same while pursuing your aspirations.

 
IN HER SHOES You Can’t Please Everyone, So What Do You Do?     
By Jessica Sitomer

Rose, is a people pleaser.  She puts so many hours in at the office and her reasoning is, “Where would I be without people to please?”  The obstacle for people pleasers is that they find it very hard to say no and often get taken advantage of, as was the case when Rose could not say no to her sister, Maggie.  

Most creatives are “people pleasers” in the sense that when they create something it’s for others, and they crave accolades.  For a people please to overhear someone say that their works stinks, is like a mother overhearing someone say her baby is ugly.  It hurts.  People pleasers are very sensitive people because all they want to do is be helpful to others.

But, you can’t please all the people all of the time.  Even great Academy Award Winning Films have their haters.  

Here’s another obstacle for people pleasers: hearing “no.”  When all you want to do is share your talents with the world, it is really hard to hear, “No.”  The more you hear it the more frustrated you get and the more frustrated you get, the more negative your energy, and the more negative energy, the more “Nos” you hear.  Vicious cycle, I know.    

Here are 3 ways to determine whom to please:



1.    Get clear on why you want to share your gifts with the world: Spend 5 minutes writing without stopping and when you are finished read what you wrote.  This should be a meaningful testament as to why you do what you do.  Therefore, anyone who is not on board with what you want to share is not in alignment with you at this time, so it is okay to move on and focus on the next person.  

2.    Examine the “Nos” you’re holding on to: People pleasers tend to focus more on the people who say no to them than the people who say yes.  This misguided focus sends your motivational drive on an unnecessary detour.  When you have a purpose, focus on the people who WANT what you have to give, not those you think NEED what you have to give.     

3.    Accept that you can’t please everyone: Acceptance is a choice.  You can choose to accept that you can’t please everyone and stop trying.  Or you can choose to no accept this, and continue to try and please everyone.  Which do you think is more productive and fulfilling?     
 
People pleasing doesn’t have to be a negative thing, if you are finding your own pleasure in the process.  I love writing.  I enjoy the process.  Not everyone’s going to like what I have to say, but those who do are my people, and they are who I focus on.  Do the same with your passion.

And Action!
1.    Do the clarity writing exercise.
2.    Examine the “Nos” that are haunting you and affecting who you are “being.”
3.    Make a choice to accept that you can’t please everyone.

In the end, Rose decides to stand up for herself.  She stops trying to please everyone.  Her self-esteem improves, as does her life and business.
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